Money

As a person with no job, living with my parents, I can say: Yeah, money is hard to come by, especially with this kind of economy.

After the rant in the previous post, I'm a bit mellowed. Perhaps venting out some of those strong emotions help me calm down a little. I'm so used to bottling everything up that it's a little strange and free to have say something about it.

Back to money. I'm still very much an idealist, and I still love to love my job and earning a livelihood doing what I love. But how do you travel for free? How do you get food on the table for free (well, there's food stamp, I guess, but I'm not there yet). Everything seems to take money these days, and I don't know if I can travel, learn, and live comfortable with no money. I'm sure there's some way to do it, but I haven't found it yet.

How do I channel my passion into making a living? Am I overthinking it? I'm sure there are jobs out there that I would love to do, and I need to apply myself more looking for it.

And that's the kicker. I'm scared of the outside world. Inside my room, alone with myself, I can do anything, I have every talents that required in all the jobs. But out there, I'm smaller than a grain of sand, and I'm not sure if there is a job for me, something I can do without sounding like a broken record "You should hire me because"; and being an introvert, I'm just plain scared of being around people. I love people, and I'm a social person, despite my introvertness, but more often than not, I feel like I will get lost in a crowd, being swallow up in the crushing pressure of being a person amongst thousands.

Sitting in front of my computer, I feel like a boiling kettle. So much energy and steam is coming out, but until I get pour into a cup of something, I'm just wasting my time and energy. And I don't know where to pour myself into. What cup will hold me? What kind of drink will I make.

I am scared. And restless.

Not a very good combination.

David Frost said that "Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally."

I believe in it, or rather, I have hope in it and it does make sense - but that I am scared of failure. Scared of the time it will take, and whether I will be able to make it.

Right now, I am one person. Not on my own, but easily taken care of. Can I do it? Can I succeed at what I love?

It might be weird, but that philosophical question: "What would you do if money is not a concern?"

That question make my mind took flight with so many ideas, so many things I can do. But money is a concern, a really big concern. How can I take care of myself without money? Even a piece of bread cost money, so how can I do what I love without money? I love to do so much, travel, go to classes/learning new things, eat, internet, sleep the whole day away. How can I do any of that without a thing to my name?

I have hopes and dreams, and I'm filled with so much unused energy that I think I can do it, but I still have to be realistic. I know myself, I get impressed easily, so there probably one or more schemes that I will chase, until they revealed to be scam (happened already more than once); so I have to be careful. However, the unused energy keeps piling up, urging me to do something. What can I do? What do I need to do? What is the right thing to do for me?

What would I do if money is not a concern? I would travel to places, see and experience nature and people. I love cultures, and I love learn about them, to enjoy the different variety of food (I was raised in Viet Nam, so some food out there isn't scary to me - I don't eat dogs or cats, just FYI, never had, never will), I would love to learn about blacksmithing, glass art, cooking (I really love food). I'd go to different countries, enjoying the land, take long walks in forests, swim in the river/beach/pond, climb the (shorter) rocks, have movie marathons, relax in a beautiful house that I designed myself, and adopt children, teaching them about being a person, about loving others despite their short comings. I'd love to commit to charities, fight for human rights, changing the education system so students get what they need - to encourage their passion, not to sit in a 'required' class (forget well-rounded students, because the classes we don't like will not stay in our memories). To help people feel safe, to give them their basic rights across the globe. To feed hungry people, and to provide sanctuary (I actually dream of building a kingdom where everyone have equal rights, free health care, free education that teaches them to respect and value each other, where martial arts for self-defense is taught at a young age - I repeat, self-defense). Pipe dreams, I know. And it takes money. So much money to do all the above. What am I but a job-less dreamer? How can I accomplish them?

What would I do if money is not a concern? What if it's not about all the money I'll ever need, but about I need to stop caring about money? Would it be possible? Would I be able to accomplish my dreams for free?

I have so many dreams I'm near bursting with it. What do I need to do?